When 1 Is Totally Unexpected

... and scary.

I wasn't really expecting we'd get a 1 for our thesis. Sure, I could say that all that sleepless nights and caffeine induced wakefulness, not to mention heartaches due to the scathing remarks we get on presentation, makes us more than deserving for that 1.

Still. I feel the pressure of the coming sem emanating from that coveted digit.

And oh. The challenge as well.

Focusing on the pressure part goes mighty against my optimistic nature so of course I'd look at it as a challenge.

And I'd get another 1at the end of this sem. No less (more, in the truer sense of the word). Aja, superseenior! (To the uninformed, aja means fight-- according to Korean dramas I so love watching. :D )

Heart Issues

Note: Posted @ Ausome (May 2009). Some issues could never be resolved. >.<
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Red. Not.
Conversations like the one I had a while ago always leave me confused and feeling inadequate. As ate Marj talked and showed me photographs

of almost naked natives working in mines in Cordi,
with no insurance whatsoever,
with ridiculously low wages,
their sustenance choked with river water suffused with mine tailing
of native people displaced from their lands
men with strong hands and able bodies
yet powerless against the giants that rob them

about high school students not daring to hope for a college education because of astronomical fees

of inept politicians
of corruption

among other things

I do care. But I wonder, is it enough? Where can I summon the rage, the reason to go and raise my fist with the rest of them? And while I see what they see, and sometimes feel what they feel, and believe as well that you can't change the world sitting down (and you must; at least you must try)... somehow, I know red isn't just my color.

Help (less)

Why should it matter to me
That a boy as young thirteen
had a cigarette smoking between his fingers?

What should it be to me
That a man as old as seventy
lay shivering in the streets, and nay a blanket in sight?

Why should I be thinking about
a forlorn old lady as young as seventeen
and her frail infant;
the promise of the future lost to their eyes?

And why should I care about
the three rugby boys I saw on the street
who looked younger than ten?

What are they to me?
Strangers. People I see as I go about my way
People I do not--
and try not to-- know
They--
Their suffering and pain
The hunger and cold
and the loneliness
and hopelessness--
Should be alien to me.
Yet my heart knows them
with heartbreaking familiarity.

There must be something more than
Silence.
Sympathy.
Pity.
That I could offer.

More than prayers each night
that seemed as distant to them
as the galaxies...

More than the helpless rage
More than these uncomfortable thoughts
More than the ink on this paper
More than (hopeless) hope...
what?

I care, but I wish I could do more than that.

Calluses
Somebody once said: "You must grow calluses on your heart . . . otherwise you will bleed to death."


I know.

But I'd rather have a bleeding heart than a callused one.

Gradually graduating =P

Write-up and gradpic . :D

Books, DoTA, environment, God and ehem, Bs—these are among the multitude of things that Aubrey is passionate about. People are drawn by her happy hormones and quick-witted attitude that allows her to turn even the most nerve-racking event into a fun and exciting situation. To her friends, Aű is a portable hero you can summon anytime, with a special skill of morphing from a cheery advocate of impulsiveness to a serious upholder of Truth.

Looks can deceive, so better not be fooled by her petite frame. Inside this little lady is a bold persona molded by life’s twists and turns. Always carefree, always curious as she quests for her personal legend. Her secret? Her ‘writer attitude.’ Aű views both the aűsome and the aűful experiences as must-ingredients of a publishable life.

As a critic of excellence, Aű refuses to simply succumb to standards and focuses instead onto what she believes are essential. Sometimes-stubborn-yet-alw

ays-faithful Aű appreciates each page of her Aubrey-in-Wonderland adventure with a surety that everything would end up fitting perfectly together as plotted by the Great Author.

Wit, passion, sweetness and faith wrapped in a single package—Aű indeed is a priceless treasure.

Write-up by ShinzZzzzzZzzzZ :D

Thesis Mode

Yep, we have oficially begun.


From related literature to storyboard plus blogs and logs, thesis sounds (no, it actually is) a big, BIG job. And while observations from my thesis friends last year had coated the word with connotations of doom, I'm actually looking forward to it. It sounds... fun. Weird. XD

Maybe because we'd be using a wiimote. (I just wish it came with the console... but on the second thought, that would mean more work so no thanks :P ) Maybe because making games sounds fun. :D It's nice to think about coming up with something that other people would enjoy using. :D

Note to self: Aja, supeerseenior! \m/


We are required to blog about our thesis progress here. :D

Teacher Once a Month (Or Maybe Twice)

There's one thing I love about 2nd Sundays and that's being a Sunday preschool teacher for an hour and a half (sometimes more). I love it when kids hug me and tell me stories. I love it when they remember me and show their pleasure. I like it when I make them laugh and when they listen to my (sometimes made-up) stories. I like their stories too, and I like to hear about their favorite shows and what they did during the weekdays and where they went to and everything they want to tell, even if its only about their pets. I love the kids.
And I like the way they tell me about life's truth without meaning to, and the way the make me laugh with the tiniest things.
:)

Sunday with My Memories

My Highschool Bestfriends: JHAKAEB. We went out last Sunday (June 28) to catch up and reminisce. How I miss them. And how I miss highschool. When's the next one?Congratulations Ann, Hazel and Bonneth for graduating from college.Gujab! Karen, Joie, Kankan, it will be our turn soon.

MidWeek Report

June 22-24, 2009

Monday:
Monday is TEDx UP Talk and thesis orientation. :) TED Talks were very inspiring. The things that human beings dream of and brought into reality - just amazing. And the ideas were surprising to say the least. You should see one when you have time.

Joan and I'll be working on interactivity and elem. math. We still don't know what we'll be doing yet. Hope we have an idea soon.

Tuesday:

Tuesday is whole day (well, almost whole day) spent at the WSG Lab. I decided to go home at around 6 and that's when I met Alex at the FC, who invited me to go to the LG that day at Balay Kalinaw (he thought it would be at the center but it was not).

There I heard about unhurried life and there God affirmed his love for me. *kilig*

Aü, dear Aü, Know that I will always run to you. That no matter how far you feel away from me, I will come to you. There is nothing to prove, nothing. Just love. I love you. Don't find that hard to believe. I am not the father who had loved you so much, but was too cowardly to show it. I love you, Aü. I am your father. Turn to me. My love for you is limitless. Love. Believe.

You know what was amazing? He knew my name. Of course I've heard that before. Of course, I've been told a thousand times. But I'm not sure if I really believed that, until Tuesday night. God, THE sovereign God, called me by my name. *Wooosh*
What's more, He had a promise for me:

I am excited for the things that I will do through you these coming days. Be prepared and be excited.

And oh, you might want to try this on your own. Prepare a piece of paper and a pen on your quiet time. And then just write down whatever you hear from God, words that popped into your mind during that time. You'd be encouraged by what you will read, promise! :)

Wednesday:
Bio 1 class again, where my prof spent a major fraction of the time rearranging our seats. And despite my efforts (with the help of my CS-mates. thanks guys. :P ) to avoid being seated beside the aircon, I ended up in that exact spot I had been avoiding. Tough (and cold) luck. T_T

LYFE meeting. LYFE is League of Youth For the Environment, an environmental alliance of envi groups in Metro Manila in which UPGL is a member. Marl and Cere were also there.
On our way home, we talked about a lot of things (KaBits, for instance) and there I realized how much I miss spending time with GL pipz and talking about the environment. I missed the fireflies, too.